Friday, December 28, 2012

Giving up

I can count on one hand the number of books I have failed to finish in the last 5 years. Books that are award winning or by authors I like or that people I know recommend.

The Life of Pi. I started it three different times. I don't remember how far I got, but it couldn't have been more than 50 pages. I gave up. Now I see it is a movie. And I'm debating whether or not to rent it when it hits DVD. Will I turn it off half an hour in or will I finally understand the hype around the story?

Only Revolutions. I think I've started this one two or three times as well. I loved a previous book by this author but for some reason just can't get into this one. It still sits on my shelf and I have hopes that one day I'll be able to read it in entirety.

And my most recent failure: How Starbucks Saved my Life. Sigh. I want to like it. I want to read it, but after a few pages I'm bored with it. Maybe because it's non fiction and I'm more of a fiction lady... I'm going to give this one another go before I call it quits for good on this one.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

A little post about guilt

I read a Facebook post today about Pinterest and feeling guilty as mothers and yadda yadda. And had a brief conversation at work about having time to do things (after looking at elaborately beautiful homes and decorations in a magazine).

It made me think.

There are so many things I would love to do- for my house, my huz, my Punky, my family and friends. I think about all the things my parents did for my brother and I when we were little.

I don't think I have the guilt factor like this woman whose post I read. Well, maybe a tad. I don't sing silly songs with my daughter everyday. We don't talk about the weather and what day of the week it is. She got some cool markers in her stocking- and we haven't used them yet. I sent Christmas post cards, pre-typed, not hand-written cards with a lovely letter reflecting on the year and a professional family portrait. That just wasn't happening this year. No way. No how.

And I think I'm pretty much okay with that. I give Punky plenty of hugs and kisses. We try to read a bedtime story each night. At least I sent some sort of Christmas card. Soon she'll be able to color on her own without my help.

I gave up the bucket and rag and scrubbing the floor on hands and knees. Now I Swiffer wet jet with the kid on my hip. The bathrooms get a quick once over with Clorox wipes. And after the kid is in bed- I read or watch tv with the huz instead of unloading the dishwasher. It keeps me sane. And I don't feel guilty. When I don't take my "me time" and "us time" that's when I get stressed out and frustrated and feel guilty that I can't do it all. So a half hour of yoga a couple times a week to keep the grouchies away it is.

And I try to chase the guilt away, knowing in the long run, I am doing more for my family by doing less.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

It is Christmas. A wonderful, happy, spiritual holiday. Full of family, friends, food, and fun!

This year we made the rounds. An all too short visit with my family. Everyone was there this year, except the huz who just couldn't make it work to be there... The Punkster was a little on the cranky side. But cutting teeth and being three hours late for a nap will do that to a kid. She loved being around a dog and cat that actually let her pet them. She had unfamiliar toys to entertain her. And new foods to try.

Then Christmas morning at home. Punky started to get into the whole unwrapping presents deal. Then it was off to have a Christmas celebration with the huz's family. And that rounded out the travel and celebration.

It was a whirlwind of faces and places. But totally worth it to spend time with the family.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 30!

Dun da da dun! Last day of the challenge. And likely my last post for a while since I'm out of prompted material!

30. One thing I am excited for.

Duh! Christmas! I love Christmas. Technically, it is Punky's second Christmas, but seeing as how she slept through all of Christmas last year, it almost doesn't count. She just had her birthday, but she was a bit under the weather. So I'm curious to see what she does with presents when she's feeling more herself...And maybe, just maybe she'll be walking by then. She's still got two weeks to figure it out, and she's definitely getting closer!

Monday, December 17, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 29

Five weird things that I like.

1. Tortilla chips with frosting (maybe it was just a pregnancy thing...).
2. The smell of Lake Erie when you drive over the bridge.
3. My family (trust me, they are weird!).
4. Trying to pick my daughter's nose (her reaction is funny!)
5. Organizing things. Alphabetically. By genre. By color. By sleeve length. You name it, there is a way to organize it!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 28

Somewhere I would like to move or visit.

I'd move to Hawaii in a heartbeat (or even just visit again!). Aside from the whole being pale as a ghost until the sun hits me for five seconds and then I'm completely burnt thing, I love the ocean/beach/sunshine. The waves are mesmerizing and relaxing. The water, so clear and beautiful. Powerful volcanoes, has it all. Except snow!

Saturday, December 15, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 27

A quote I try to live by.

"Do not go where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."

I've seen this quote attributed to good ol' anonymous, but also to one of my favs, Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is definitely one of my personal mottos. I try to be my own person and follow my own way and not be influenced by the ways of the world.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Not your normal blog post

I am going to deviate from my typical posting style today. I'm going to get personal. In my mind, more personal than most of my posts. Or at least personal in a different way. To me. Maybe not to my three readers.

I woke up this morning with a horrible feeling in my stomach. I laid in bed for a few minutes pondering it and then got up to start my day. At first, I thought it was my "normal" anxiety striking out at me. Not sure what I'm so anxious about right now. There's the normal anxiety provoking stuff going on, but nothing that should be wake-me-up anxious.

IBS hit. I kind of expected it. Anxiety has the tendency to send me running to the bathroom. I showered hoping that was the end of it. Although it was concerning that this was my third IBS episode this week. That's a lot for me. So as I showered, feeling yucky, wondering what I was so anxious about, wondering if maybe it was not my anxiety/IBS ganging up one but something else, I prayed. I am certain God is tired of hearing about how I feel- specifically how I don't feel good. But I tell Him (or Her if I'm going to be a good inclusive former seminary student) anyway. I whine. I complain. Sometimes I cry, but not today. At least not yet. I plead to feel better. For healing- just for today if not for always. (Wait, I think the tears are threatening to spill over now.) Then I feel guilty. Because I know, I KNOW, there are people suffering much more than I am. Unimaginable pain, sorrow, etc. "But I feel so awful," I whine, " and my daughter. My job. My interview." Yeah, I'm sure God loves those conversations with me.

After my shower, I head downstairs to feed the cats. And then run back to the bathroom. Okay, I think maybe this time it might be more than the anxiety and IBS... I text in to work that I'm staying home. And then go back upstairs to whine to my husband. Actually, I didn't whine. I was pretty matter-of-fact if I do say so myself. "I don't feel good. I'm not going to work. I think this is different than 'normal.'" I put my pajamas back on. "I'll take Punky to the sitter for the day and rest. We already paid for today and she's expecting her." "Do you want me to stay home with you?" The huz know I don't like being alone when I'm stomach sick. Plus he likes any excuse to not have to go to work. AND he just got a new game to play. "If you want and can." So we'll have a sick day together.

That leads me to now. Sitting in the hallway because I'm afraid laying down will make me feel worse. Still not 100% positive if it's just a really bad IBS day or if it's more than that. I'm thinking it's more than that.... Listening to the huz talk to Punky through the monitor. I send God a different message. "Thank you for my family." And I type. My electronic journal. I'm doing those things I tell my clients to do. Breathe. Talk. Pray. Journal. In between trips to the bathroom. Yeah- this has got to be a bug. Sigh. Just what I need, a stomach bug. Cause I don't have enough stomach issues already. *Pout* I need a few minutes to feel sorry for myself. I'd take a cold over stomach stuff any day. "God, why couldn't I just have another cold if I had to be sick?" Oh, I do like to bargain and plead with God. The questions I have when I get to heaven.....

Thursday, December 13, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 26

Things I like and dislike about myself.

Well, I generally like myself. My personality, humor, intelligence, motivation, yadda yadda yadda. I like my hair (well, not right now I don't. It's at the horrible in-between stage...). I dislike that I don't really know how to relax very well- there's always SOMETHING that needs to be done! I dislike that my body is in a love-hate relationship with food and that the hate is winning right now. I'm not so fond of the fact that my ears stick out. And sometimes I wish I was a little more outgoing...(although my blog personality is PLENTY outgoing!)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Mortal Instruments

If you are into the vampire/werewolf genre, check out the Mortal Instruments series. Had started this series a while back and was just loaned the fourth and fifth in the series. Just completed book four: City of Fallen Angels. A decent read. Took me a while to get reconnected with the characters, but once I did I enjoyed the story.

30 Day Challenge: Day 25

Something I am currently worrying about.

Money. Always money. Sigh. I think I have come to the realization that our savings account will never be what I wish it to be and that I should just be glad we have anything in our savings account! I know I will never retire and I will keep dreaming of the day (about 20 more years) when I no longer have those monthly student loan payments (only another year and a half or so until the first one is paid off!). The simple nature of my job means I will likely always have this worry. Client doesn't show- I don't get paid. Makes it hard to budget things out when you  never know what your paycheck is going to look like...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 24

Five words or phrases that make me laugh.

1. We're in a fight. (Well, it at least makes me smile.)
2. Spicy butt. (I don't want to talk about it!)
3. Pretty truck. (Sigh.)
4. Pond scum. (Always wins!)
5. Stottlemyer. (Shoehorn anyone?)

Sunday, December 9, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 23

23. Something I miss.

There are lots of things I miss, but I'm not sure I would really want them back given the chance. I miss the simplicity of childhood, but love being a mother. I miss my first car, the death trap on wheels, but feel much safer in what I drive now. I miss camp, but could I go back to peanut butter and jelly everyday? (Okay, that one is a little weak. I know things are different now, and part of what made it so great were the other people there at the time.)I miss being in school and do want to further my education, but am so over dorm rooms! I miss not having to make sure every last scrap of food is put away, but endlessly entertained by my devil cats. I miss having a nice amount in my savings account, but I have a house (with deck), car, child.

It seems to me that we aren't meant to have everything forever and that's what makes those things special.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Friday Funday Fill-In

Each week, Hilary at Feeling Beachie lists four statements with a blank for you to fill in on your own blogs. If you want to join the fun and come up with four fill in’s of your own, email If she uses them, she will add you as co-host to the hop! This week’s co-host is Beckey from the really, really, real housewives – she came up with the last two statements!
This week’s statements:
1. ___in the ___ is the ___
2. __is my____
3. I like to think ____; but I know _____.
4. If I just ______, then I could ______.

My answers:
1. Chocolate in the middle is the best surprise? (I had a little trouble with this one!)
2. A good book is my weakness!
3. I like to think I'm smart; but I know lots of smarter people.
4. If I just won the lottery, then I could go back to school.  (Are you sensing a theme yet?)

Thursday, December 6, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 22

22. My academics.

Oh geez. I was a student for 21 years (I think that's right). And I WILL go back (someday). I know, I know, I'm insane. But I thirst for knowledge.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 21

21. How I hope my future will be like

That is a horribly phrased prompt. What I hope my future will be like is full of happiness and good health. I hope for many opportunities to make memories with my family (both immediate and extended). I hope to (someday) go back to school. I hope to (someday) not have to work so hard. I hope to (someday) spend more time traveling to visit friends and family in far off places...I hope to (someday) add to our family. I hope to (someday) find time to write my novella or even just a novelette....

The list is endless!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 20

20. My fears.

Major, chronic, serious, life-threatening illness or untimely death of the huz or the daughter.

And blood. While I do not think of it as a fear, technically I believe it meets the criteria for a phobia with the whole passing out thing...

Sunday, December 2, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 19

19. Five items I lust after.

1. Four door Jeep Wrangler.
2. The perfect purse. The one that is big enough without being too big. Dressy/professional enough for work, but casual enough for everyday life. Has lots of pockets and closes completely at the top. And is incredibly durable, inside and out- handles/straps included. Someday I will find this purse. Until then I will keep trying impostors and donating them to goodwill when they fail to meet my expectations. Oh, did I mention it has to be reasonably priced, cause I hate spending money in handbags that never seem to please.
3. Books. Lots of books.
4. A room devoted to all those books with soft lighting, warm blankets, and comfy seating.
5. Comfortable shoes.

Lame. I know. I don't need much when it comes to material things.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

30 Day Challenge: Day 18

Back to the 30 day challenge with random blog post prompts.

18. A problem I've had.

I'm having a "problem" with this prompt. Is it a problem I am having now? A problem from the past that has been resolved? What do you want from me?!

How do I choose just one problem? Which one do I feel I can share with the World Wide Web? (Huh, apparently autocorrect thinks World Wide Web should be capitalized. Who knew!)

Okay, how about this one. For many years I have had a problem with sleeping. Insomnia, I suppose would not be inaccurate. An intermittent problem, as at times I sleep well. It seems to be getting better with age...and parenthood. Sometimes I simply cannot "turn it off" and go to sleep. Other times I fall into dreamland with ease only to wake up every hour or so. And then there are the times I sleep like a log until oh, say 4:30am and cannot go back to sleep.

I've tried lots of "sure fire" sleep remedies. Exercise, but not before bed. Don't eat before bed, but don't go to bed hungry. Lavender. Melatonin. Yadda yadda yadda.

I don't want to say nothing works. But I haven't found my magic cure yet. It's manageable. I might have several bad nights, but then I get several good nights. And the bad nights are getting fewer and farther between. Maybe when we finally spring for a new mattress (get it? Spring? Mattress?) that will take care of those remaining few bad nights...

A girl can dream...