Thursday, November 6, 2014

Introvert dream or nightmare?

I am coming up on the 90 day mark at my new job and am feeling like I kinda sorta almost know what all the job entails. I'm not completely overwhelmed anymore (just partially!), even though I still see at least one face a day that I do not recognize. It is weird working for a company that employs more than 20 people!
I go through some sessions feeling like "I've got this!" But others leave me wondering when I will ever feel like I know what I am doing. I have to develop a new style, a new way of connecting, a new way of sharing what I do know. Not all the people I am working with WANT to be here or know WHY they have to be. My heart broke a little when one parent couldn't identify a single strength of their child or one thing they liked about their kid. It is exhausting on a different level than my previous positions. I am excited to be here and can see how much I am going to grow from this position. But in my little (and I do mean little- I have to move furniture to be able to open my file cabinet!) office at the end of the hall, it feels a little lonely in this big old place. Especially after the kids go home and there are no screams echoing through the halls. Still feeling like the new kid on the block, my introverted self wants to hide out in my cozy little space and lose myself in the mountain of paperwork. Perhaps it is time to bake my way into the hearts of my coworkers....

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Trust Me

Trust Me in the midst of a messy day. Your inner calm- your Peace in My Presence- need not be shaken by what is going on around you. Though you live in this temporal world, your innermost being is rooted and grounded in eternity. When you start to feel stressed, detach yourself from the disturbances around you. Instead of desperately striving to maintain order snd control in your little world, relax and remember that circumstances cannot touch My Peace.

Seek My Face, and I will share My mind with you, opening your eyes to see things from My perspective. Do not let your heart be troubled, and do not be afraid. The Peace I give is sufficient for you.

Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) August 26

Peace I leave you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. John 14:27

I have said this to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world! John 16:33

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually. Psalm 105:4

Monday, July 28, 2014

When I Grow Up

I have been neglecting my blog again. When I started it way back whenever I thought it would be a great way for me to start writing. Again. More. Whatever. Turns out there just aren't enough hours in the day and writing, blogging, takes a backseat. Sure, I have a book of poetry waiting to be published. Sure, I have the plot of a novella outlined. Sure, I have titles to the series of children's books I want to write. But the only writing I've dobe recently is a home study, which I did not really enjoy simply because it required a format that is poor writing. I don't want to use the words describes, reported, stated any time soon!

I think I had this idea that writing would be a fun way to use my creative juices and blow off steam- my own personal therapy. But in reality, if you want to be a writer it can't be a part time gig. There has to be time dedicated to it. Daily. And right now my life does not allow that. Maybe someday. When I grow up. 

For now, I settle for the occasional blog post. The card mailed to a friend. My infrequent journaling when something is weighing on me. My trusty friend comes out when I feel that inner restlessness about something. Maybe that is why I am secretly obsessed with pens and notebooks, because I know I will always NEED to write from time to time. I love to lose myself in a good book, but writing does something for me that reading cant't. That talking can't. An utter rawness that is hard to achieve in conversation. 

And someday, when I retire, I WILL become a real life writer.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

On a Roll, a Reading Roll

I love to read. Have for as long as I can remember. But sometimes I'm not in the mood to read (*gasp* I can't believe I just said that!) and other times there simply are not enough hours in the day to do all the reading I want to do.

Most of May was one of those time when I just couldn't get settled down to read. Maybe it was the 20-some episodes of Bones on the DVR. Maybe it was stress. Maybe I just wasn't interested in the books I had started. But whatever the reason, the reading drought ended. I got back in the swing of reading. In the last 10 days I have finished five books. Two of those five I also started in the last 10 days! That MIGHT be a new record for me. At least a new record while being a mother working two jobs!

So what did I read?
Clockwork Angel (of the YA fantasy- vampire- genre)
What to Expect the Toddler Years (very informative if you have a toddler or work with toddlers or might someday have a toddler)
Sharp Objects (dark and screwed up. I liked it!)
Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz (I am slowly working my way through the complete Wizard of Oz collection, did you know there was more than one story?)
The Perks of Being a Wallflower (yes, I saw the movie first. I still liked the book. And want to watch the movie again.)

So what's next? Well, I still have four in progress:
Queen Bees and Wannabes (the book that inspired the movie Mean Girls, I can only read a little at a time because I find it a little depressing how mean females can be to each other, lots of good info in it though)
James Potter and the Hall of Elders' Crossing (which disappeared from my GoodReads ebooks, so I guess I'm not really reading it right now)
Pride and Prejudice (I just cannot get into this one- and it is SO long!)
Ever Since I had my Baby (again, good info, but hard to read more than a little at a time. I think I might have been better off NOT knowing what childbirth could do to my body...)

So I think I'll start the next Clockwork book. And maybe the next Wizard of Oz book. Or maybe something entirely different... 

Either way, I am on a reading roll right now and am halfway to my goal of completing 50 books this year!

Friday, May 30, 2014

High quality H2O

It's been several weeks since I've joined in the Friday Fill-In over at www.feelingbeachie.com. Time to jump in again!

Statements:
1) I drink ____ in the AM.
2) I read _____.
3) Sometimes I wonder ___ but then ____.
4) Given the choice between ___ and ___ I'd pick ____.

Answers:
1) I drink water in the AM. And PM!
2) I read books, lots of books!
3) Sometimes I wonder if I will survive the terrible twos but then my two year old gives me a hug and says "I love you."
4) Given the choice between a beach vacation and a mountain one I'd pick the beach, 9 times out of 10!

Monday, May 26, 2014

Misadventures in Baking

Little known fact (ha! As if there are any little known facts about me!) I'm thrifty. (Okay, cheap.) I love a good bargain. I'm about one step away from one of those ultimate couponers (granted it's a big step- I need time to learn how to do it and time to actually do it!). I hate to waste food. So when I was baking up a new recipe of cupcakes I decided I would use up the leftover icing from the last batch. But I didn't think green icing would be quite right for Coca cola cupcakes with a vanilla coke cream filling. 
But I had a plan! Throw in some cocoa powder, make it chocolatey and cover up the green color too. Well, let's just say this wasn't one of my more brilliant ideas. The transformation process wasn't pretty! The bright green morphed into a horrible brownish green and then a greenish brown before an acceptable brown color was achieved. Then it was time to put it on the cupcakes. I was out of pastry bags, so I used a ziplock. No fancy star tip this time. Mistake! I'm sure my child filling her diaper at the same time as I was piping the frosting didn't help, but these were cupcakes that were never going to look appetizing to me! 
Wonder if there is a market for poocakes...

Friday, May 2, 2014

So it has been a while since I have posted. Life just seems to keep me too busy. Time to jump back in with feelingbeachie.com's Friday Fill-In.

This week's statements:
1) I really ______ in the early a.m.
2) I wish the _____ would always stay _____.
3) _____ is my favorite place when I am _____.
4) If I hear _____ one more time, I will ____.

My answers:
1) I really need to sleep better in the early a.m.
2) I wish the weather would always stay nice.
3) Lakeside is my favorite place when I am feeling sentimental.
4) If I hear Let it Go one more time, I will sing along.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Hook, line, and sinker

I have to hand it to the marketing people at Barnes and Noble. They got me. I made a rare trip into the book store (rare because I do not trust myself alone in a bookstore to be responsible and not max out my credit cards). I had gift cards burning a hole in my wallet. I purchased a couple NOOK books and a real book for Punky. When I got home, I discovered a "Prepublication Excerpt" in my bag. I tossed it in my purse for when I was stuck in a waiting room somewhere or something. 

So what happened when I finished the excerpt? I immediately logged onto bn.com and used up the last (sad!) of my gift card money to purchase the book. Congrats B&N, you got me with your clever marketing. Hook. Line. Sinker. 

But I don't feel too bad. I actually finished two professional development type books in a row! No novel (or twelve) in between. I am on a roll! At this rate, I just might complete my Goodreads challenge of 50 books this year...

Especially since I've decided to pick up where I left off in this:
Before I tackle killing off Dorothy. And of course, at some point I still need to read Wicked. If you need me, I'll be in Oz.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Ambition


Ambition

An earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.

To seek after earnestly; aspire to.

(Definitions provided by dictionary.com.)

What a powerful word. Sometimes I think I want to be ambitious. Sometimes I think I am. Sometimes I think I have too much.

My stack of 29 unread books (plus 7-8 in progress) grew to 30 as someone recently gifted me a book. Then I pulled out two books loaned to me a good three years ago. Are they good books? Most likely. Should I read them? Probably. Will I? If I am honest, probably not. So I took them off the shelf to return to the lender who likely has forgotten I have them. And almost put them back. The lender wanted me to read them! This person thought there was something of value between the pages. 

My ambition is to read. And write. I never seem to have enough time for either. I challenged myself to read 50 books this year. I have completed 15. I am 30% of the way to my goal. I also made a goal to read one professional development type book for every two novels I read. And another goal to finish all of the books currently in progress (except the daily devotional which I been reading off and on for about two years- even if I have read that day before, there is still good stuff in rereading it). 

And write more. Maybe actually write a chapter in the novella I have had outlined for a few years. Or blog more. Or journal more. Something. Anything. 

In theory, that seems reasonable. Then I look in my purse and see what my ambition had done.


Two devotionals. Two journals. One book. One "prepublication excerpt."

And this was to go to work! Where (unfortunately) I do not get paid to read (where can I find THAT job?!). (Side not: I do get paid to write- treatment plans and progres notes, but that's not FUN writing!)

Hmmm, maybe my ambition is a little too ambitious. And so the books will go back to the lender, unread, and not back to my shelf. 

Let's not even start on how I keep saying I'm going to get up a half hour earlier three mornings a week to do yoga....


Friday, March 14, 2014

Silence!

It's Friday again so it must be time to navigate on over to www.feelingbeachie.com for the Friday Fill-In! Check it out. Send in suggestions and be a cohost!

This week's statements:
1. Saying ____ is ___ for me.
2. I am ____ by nature.
3. If I stay in a hotel it must have _____.
4. If someone gave me ____ I would ____. 

My answers:
1. Saying nothing is easy for me.
2. I am quiet by nature.
3. If I stay in a hotel it must have free wi-fi? (I can't remember the last time I stayed in a hotel...)
4. If someone gave me a book I would read it- eventually. My to be read stack is huge!