Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Working Mom

I'm having one of those days. Well, I guess since it isn't even 7:00 am, I should say one of those weeks. But it is only Tuesday, perhaps one of those months is more accurate. What do I mean, you ask. I will tell you.

I started a new job in February. And it is a good job. Provides a steady, predictable income for my family. And, when the Huz decided to change jobs himself last month, my job provided (for the first time in my career!) the health benefits for my family. The people I work with are nice and we get along. However, the job is stressful to me. Definitely a faster pace than I am used to, more procedures, protocols, paperwork, and deadlines. A social work job versus what I was used to in a counselor role.

And I find myself overwhelmed. I can't leave work at work as easily as I used to. My next deadline is never far from my thoughts. And then I feel what I guess is best described as a mix of guilt and envy. Guilt that I am working 40+ hours per week (usually the +). Guilt that when I get home there's typically only time for dinner, bath, bed. Guilty that I don't really have energy for more than that even if there was time. Guilt that my girl isn't feeling good and she has to not feel good for another couple of days until I can try to squeeze a doctor appointment into my schedule. And the  the envy. Envy of those mothers who do get to stay home more (I'm not even wanting to be a full-time stay at home mom, just a part time stay at home mom. Which I never thought I would want). Envy of the families who either make more or have somehow been smarter with their money than we have so they can stay home more. Or maybe I was just spoiled that first year, having a mid-week day off. Or maybe it was more okay because she was home with daddy a couple of days and now she spends 5 days a week with the sitter. 

I want to go to the zoo and the pool and story time without the weekend crowds. I want to curl up with my Punky on the couch and snuggle when she doesn't feel good. And get her into the doctor the first chance possible, not when more feasible with my schedule. I want to do all those crafts I pinned in Pinterest! And I know this is not in the cards right now.

The plight of the working mother.

4 comments:

  1. I can't say that I blame you. It is funny how motherhood changes things, isn't it? But you and Christopher are such great parents and Harper is thriving. No doubt about that. And YOU are doing an important job at your new position so I have no doubt that you are doing the right thing. It just takes awhile to get used to. You make the time together count and that is what matters. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are a wonderful mom in every way---even if you do long for more time at home. Hang in there.

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    1. Thank you for your vote of confidence! I know I am doing what needs to be done, but it doesn't mean I always have to like it! It's been a couple of crazy stressful weeks at work too and I know that's part of my longing to be home more. This too shall pass.

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  2. It will pass but it does not make it any easier at the time, does it??? It was great to "see" you both a bit last night. I hope that when I am in Columbus the week after next we can see you guys !

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    1. Not really!!
      Send me those dates again and we will work something out!

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