It's all about balance in life. Everything comes back to balance. Www.dictionary.com defines balance as "a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc." And further defines balance as "mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgement, etc."
If you are like me, you don't even think about. Until things are out of balance. Then you pay attention.
I've been thinking about balance lately. Balancing being an individual, a wife, a mother, a counselor. Balance between work and home. Balance within the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of myself. How is it that one finds oneself out of balance? How does one reset the scales and regain the all important balance? With my magic wand (STILL) in the repair shop, I must look elsewhere to restore equilibrium in my life.
Like the cliche, I think acknowledging the imbalance is the first step. Admitting something is "off." Then seeking to take steps to realign life in a more harmonious way. And then there is the realization that life is fluid and balance now does not equate balance in 10 years, 10 months, 10 weeks, or even 10 days. But I begin my quest to recapture my zen.
Oh and by the way, equipoise is a great new word...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Devil's Waltz, Bad Love, and Self-Defense
I can't seem to keep up with my blogging. Good thing it's not my job, I'd be fired for sure. I finished Devil's Waltz (another Alex Delaware novel by Jonathan Kellerman). Followed that one up with Bad Love (Mr. Kellerman an Alex). And have moved on to Self-Defense which just happens to be (you guessed it! A Jonathan Kellerman novel) #9 in the Alex Delaware series.I am approximately halfway through this one. I am always amazed at how quickly I can get through a novel- provided Punky goes to bed at a decent hour! The other seven books I'm reading aren't going so quickly. But this is the last of the Kellerman books I currently own, so perhaps I will make some progress on those other books... I set a goal for myself to finish 10 of the 35+ unread books on my shelf by the end of 2013. I think I'll count the ones I have started as 7 of the 10. That seems reasonable. Then I won't feel as guilty when I ask for more books for Christmas! If I can just keep myself from ordering any new Kellerman on my Nook, we'll be in good shape!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Taking my own advice
I don't know how many times I've encouraged clients to "get their feelings out" through talking with me and/or someone else, through journaling, through art, song, poetry, whatever. Keeping it all inside, stuffing it, ignoring it, denying it doesn't help. I haven't always followed my own advice, but I am trying to do so.
The last year has been full of exciting and stressful events. Pregnancy, buying a house, fixing it up, moving, having the baby, just to name some of the bigger things. And while it was all very exciting it was also very stressful. Raising a child while working is proving more difficult than anticipated. Add to that mix various illnesses and ongoing health conditions. Changes at work add to the pile of stress. It certainly hasn't been easy. Some days get the better of me. Days when, if it weren't for the huz's understanding and baby's smiles I'm not sure what I'd do. Days when I am frustrated to tears and see no end in sight. But talking through things is helping. Slowly. I think. The bad days still come too often, but I hope that they will bother me less and I'll learn how to live with all that life is throwing at me.
The last year has been full of exciting and stressful events. Pregnancy, buying a house, fixing it up, moving, having the baby, just to name some of the bigger things. And while it was all very exciting it was also very stressful. Raising a child while working is proving more difficult than anticipated. Add to that mix various illnesses and ongoing health conditions. Changes at work add to the pile of stress. It certainly hasn't been easy. Some days get the better of me. Days when, if it weren't for the huz's understanding and baby's smiles I'm not sure what I'd do. Days when I am frustrated to tears and see no end in sight. But talking through things is helping. Slowly. I think. The bad days still come too often, but I hope that they will bother me less and I'll learn how to live with all that life is throwing at me.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Goodnight Harper
The time has come
When dinner is done,
Our day is over
We've had our fun.
We take a bath
Get clean underwear,
Brush our teeth
And brush our hair.
Climb into bed
Grab our teddy bears,
Read our stories
Say our prayers.
Upon your cheeks
We place a kiss,
Say goodnight
To our Little Miss.
Sweet dreams to you
All night long,
Rest your head
Until morning's song.
When dinner is done,
Our day is over
We've had our fun.
We take a bath
Get clean underwear,
Brush our teeth
And brush our hair.
Climb into bed
Grab our teddy bears,
Read our stories
Say our prayers.
Upon your cheeks
We place a kiss,
Say goodnight
To our Little Miss.
Sweet dreams to you
All night long,
Rest your head
Until morning's song.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Time Flies
Hard to believe that Mini Muffin is only a few weeks away from being a whole half year old. Can it really have been that long ago that I was lugging her around inside my massive belly?
Motherhood amnesia is definitely setting in because, although I'm still up during the night with Mini most nights, I am already forgetting how exhaustingly difficult those first few weeks were when she was only awake 2-3 hours a day: from 11pm to 2am. In my head, I remember this happened, but my body has forgotten the feeling of utter exhaustion and helplessness as we cried together because she wasn't sleeping. But we got through that and moved on to better days.
Baby girl is now going to bed at a reasonable hour- I usually even have time to read a chapter or two before I turn in for the night. And she sleeps for a good chunk of the night. Little Miss Independent is trying to hold her own bottle and can get a spoon into her mouth if I put the spoon in her hand. She rolls over and looks around to see if anyone was watching; she has a huge smile when we cheer for her. Occasionally she giggles at us and frequently gives us her drooly, toothless (but not for much longer) grin.
Tater Tot loves to stand and look around. She already watches too much TV. We took her swimming the other day. She wasn't a huge fan, but the water was a little chilly. Hopefully, she finds swimming more appealing on vacation this summer...
Pretty soon Small Fry is going to experience food on her spoon. Hmmm, will she take after her mom or her dad with her taste buds?
She baby box just has stuff tossed in it, but not organized, labelled, or decorated. Maybe we'll work on that together when she's older...Which will be here before I know it.
Motherhood amnesia is definitely setting in because, although I'm still up during the night with Mini most nights, I am already forgetting how exhaustingly difficult those first few weeks were when she was only awake 2-3 hours a day: from 11pm to 2am. In my head, I remember this happened, but my body has forgotten the feeling of utter exhaustion and helplessness as we cried together because she wasn't sleeping. But we got through that and moved on to better days.
Baby girl is now going to bed at a reasonable hour- I usually even have time to read a chapter or two before I turn in for the night. And she sleeps for a good chunk of the night. Little Miss Independent is trying to hold her own bottle and can get a spoon into her mouth if I put the spoon in her hand. She rolls over and looks around to see if anyone was watching; she has a huge smile when we cheer for her. Occasionally she giggles at us and frequently gives us her drooly, toothless (but not for much longer) grin.
Tater Tot loves to stand and look around. She already watches too much TV. We took her swimming the other day. She wasn't a huge fan, but the water was a little chilly. Hopefully, she finds swimming more appealing on vacation this summer...
Pretty soon Small Fry is going to experience food on her spoon. Hmmm, will she take after her mom or her dad with her taste buds?
She baby box just has stuff tossed in it, but not organized, labelled, or decorated. Maybe we'll work on that together when she's older...Which will be here before I know it.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Private Eyes
Just finished reading a book the huz got me for my birthday. I've been reading the Alex Delaware series off and on for years. Decided it was time to actually read them in order. Got a couple on my Nook, then the huz bought me the next four in the series for my special day- even though I literally have a shelf of 30 books waiting to be read! Guess he does live me!!
Anyway, I just finished #6 in the series: Private Eyes (and yes, every time I read the title the song starts playing in my head...) by Jonathan Kellerman. If you don't know anything about the series, Delaware is a child psychologist who consults with the police to solve various crimes. We all know I love a good psychological thriller! I recommend it. But you don't have to take my word for it (yes, I totally referenced Reading Rainbow there!)
Anyway, I just finished #6 in the series: Private Eyes (and yes, every time I read the title the song starts playing in my head...) by Jonathan Kellerman. If you don't know anything about the series, Delaware is a child psychologist who consults with the police to solve various crimes. We all know I love a good psychological thriller! I recommend it. But you don't have to take my word for it (yes, I totally referenced Reading Rainbow there!)
Saturday, March 17, 2012
30th Birthday Blog
I think it is fair to say that I've played it pretty safe my whole life. I only got sent to the principal's office once- and that was because I was stuck in my snowsuit, not because I was in trouble (it was a little traumatic for a second-grader!). Never had detention. The only time I "snuck out" was when my brother and I were pretending to be spies one summer. And we didn't have anyone to spy on, we just crept around the house and through the trees trying not to be seen by the nobody that was around. My big rebellious act? Getting my belly button pierced when I was 18. Who saw it? Pretty much no one unless unveiled it to prove I'd gone through with it. My other rebellious act? I got a tattoo. When I was...wait for it...27. Hardly a youthful impulsive moment. I never went to college parties or on a spring break trip. I might have wandered around Lakeside fairly late at night, but really, what kind of trouble was I going to get in there- where every other person I saw knew someone in my family?! So yeah, you could say I was a big troublemaker.
Turning 30 doesn't really bother me. Age is just a number. If I'm honest, I think I probably stopped counting birthdays at 18- I still feel like 18. I might even be able to still pass for 18...in the right light, of course. So why all the reflection?
I don't regret my life or wish I could do it over again. I worked hard to get to where I am (and I have the student loans to prove it!). But since Mini Muffin arrived, I see things a little differently. I don't want to work every weekend. I don't care if the house is a little messy. I haven't balanced the checkbook in weeks.
I want to spent time with my family. I want to go on adventures. I want to do some good in the world.
It took me a little while to get my priorities straight. But I try to soak up every minute with Mini Muffin and the huz. I don't hesitate to say yes to something I want to do, if we can manage it. I cut off all my hair so someone in need of a wig can enjoy it See where my hair went.
So happy birthday me. Here's to a new hairdo and a new outlook. Here's to saying yes to opportunities without overanalyzing. Here's to teaching and learning and enjoying every second with Mini.
Turning 30 doesn't really bother me. Age is just a number. If I'm honest, I think I probably stopped counting birthdays at 18- I still feel like 18. I might even be able to still pass for 18...in the right light, of course. So why all the reflection?
I don't regret my life or wish I could do it over again. I worked hard to get to where I am (and I have the student loans to prove it!). But since Mini Muffin arrived, I see things a little differently. I don't want to work every weekend. I don't care if the house is a little messy. I haven't balanced the checkbook in weeks.
I want to spent time with my family. I want to go on adventures. I want to do some good in the world.
It took me a little while to get my priorities straight. But I try to soak up every minute with Mini Muffin and the huz. I don't hesitate to say yes to something I want to do, if we can manage it. I cut off all my hair so someone in need of a wig can enjoy it See where my hair went.
So happy birthday me. Here's to a new hairdo and a new outlook. Here's to saying yes to opportunities without overanalyzing. Here's to teaching and learning and enjoying every second with Mini.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Another Letter to Harper
3/15/12
Dear Harper,
I am sorry I won't be spending time with you today. I am sick. I hate being sick. I hate it even more now because I can't be around you- I don't want you to get sick! It makes me sad to be home but not with you. But you'll have fun with Daddy today!
I was thinking the other day about something important I need to tell you: you can do anything you want in the whole world! Sometimes girls (and boys too, but mainly girls) think they aren't good enough, fast enough, smart enough, skinny enough, tall enough, short enough, strong enough...you get the idea. I am telling you right now- you are enough! God made you just the way you are and you are enough. You have everything you need to be whoever you want to be.
I will admit, Daddy and I have some dreams and expectations of you. Things we hope for, things we have learned, things we believe because of who we are and our choice in faiths. But just because we have these hopes and dreams and expectations doesn't mean they are right for you. We will do our very best to raise you and teach you all that we know. In the end, though, you will need to develop your own sense of self, discover your own values and beliefs and be true to them. We will do our very very best to support you and accept you and your decisions, whatever they may be.
You will likely meet people who will criticize, pick on you, and try to bring you down. Sadly, that's just the way life is sometimes. Know this, those people are probably dealing with a lot of their own "stuff." Try not to let them get to you. Life is tough out there. People are hurting. I wish I could protect you from that, but it's better, in the long run, that you hear the truth. Remember how much we love you. Focus on the things that you love about yourself. Let all the negative stuff roll off your back like water rolls off a duck. I believe in you. Daddy believes in you. All your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins believe in you. You can do whatever you set your mind and heart on. Nothing is impossible if you work hard and trust in God. Sometimes it takes longer than you think it should. Sometimes it ends up looking different than you planned. But happiness is out there and my one true hope for you is that you find it within yourself when you are just little and always hold on to it.
Whether you end up to be a concert pianist, a doctor, a teacher, a construction worker, a tax collector, a plumber, a stay at home mother, a lawyer, a zookeeper, a ballerina, a garbage woman, or a beach bum braiding tourists hair- we love you more than words can say. And we're proud of you.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Dear Harper,
I am sorry I won't be spending time with you today. I am sick. I hate being sick. I hate it even more now because I can't be around you- I don't want you to get sick! It makes me sad to be home but not with you. But you'll have fun with Daddy today!
I was thinking the other day about something important I need to tell you: you can do anything you want in the whole world! Sometimes girls (and boys too, but mainly girls) think they aren't good enough, fast enough, smart enough, skinny enough, tall enough, short enough, strong enough...you get the idea. I am telling you right now- you are enough! God made you just the way you are and you are enough. You have everything you need to be whoever you want to be.
I will admit, Daddy and I have some dreams and expectations of you. Things we hope for, things we have learned, things we believe because of who we are and our choice in faiths. But just because we have these hopes and dreams and expectations doesn't mean they are right for you. We will do our very best to raise you and teach you all that we know. In the end, though, you will need to develop your own sense of self, discover your own values and beliefs and be true to them. We will do our very very best to support you and accept you and your decisions, whatever they may be.
You will likely meet people who will criticize, pick on you, and try to bring you down. Sadly, that's just the way life is sometimes. Know this, those people are probably dealing with a lot of their own "stuff." Try not to let them get to you. Life is tough out there. People are hurting. I wish I could protect you from that, but it's better, in the long run, that you hear the truth. Remember how much we love you. Focus on the things that you love about yourself. Let all the negative stuff roll off your back like water rolls off a duck. I believe in you. Daddy believes in you. All your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins believe in you. You can do whatever you set your mind and heart on. Nothing is impossible if you work hard and trust in God. Sometimes it takes longer than you think it should. Sometimes it ends up looking different than you planned. But happiness is out there and my one true hope for you is that you find it within yourself when you are just little and always hold on to it.
Whether you end up to be a concert pianist, a doctor, a teacher, a construction worker, a tax collector, a plumber, a stay at home mother, a lawyer, a zookeeper, a ballerina, a garbage woman, or a beach bum braiding tourists hair- we love you more than words can say. And we're proud of you.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Letters to Harper
I am not entirely sure why I started this or where the I got the idea, but when the huz and I started trying for a baby I started writing letters to the child. I plan to give her the letters when she's older. And hopefully I can continue writing them (or typing them or emailing them or blogging them or whatever form they end up taking [I'm envisioning a book...]) throughout her life.
Here is the letter from last night:
1/2/12
Dear Harper,
Guess what?! You gave me your first real smiles today! You've been smirking and giving half smiles here and there, but today they were real smiles!
I was wiping your mouth, talking to you and you smiled. So I kept making silly sounds and dabbing at your cheeks and smiling at you. And you kept smiling back! It almost looked like you wanted to laugh! It made ME laugh! I called Daddy over to make sure he saw you too. Can't wait to see that beautiful smile again!
Love you.
Mommy
Friday, December 30, 2011
2011 Year in Review
It is hard to believe that 2011 is nearly over. And an eventful year it has been. I can't even remember what happened the first quarter of the year. I do remember when the adventure started: April Fool's Day. That was the day we found out Harper was on her way. Pregnancy definitely was a memorable experience, but we won't rehash that now.
The other major event of 2011 was the purchase of a house. I believe I chronicled that saga as it was occurring- a process I do not wish to repeat any time soon (or ever). We settled into the new place in September, doing our best to make the place "ours." And began our never-ending list of projects to do to the house. And we waited for Harper's arrival.
And arrive she did! I got up one Sunday morning to feed the cats and settled in on the couch to relax until the huz got up. I decided I should probably get some breakfast and headed to the kitchen when I felt something weird happen. Soon I was feeling some contractions. And then they were stronger and closer together. I decided the thing to do was to go back up to bed, to relax up there with the huz and see if they stopped. They didn't. So after an hour and a half, I decided it was time to tell the huz, cause it would seem I was truly in labor- two weeks early. Soon we were on our way to the hospital. About eight hours later, Harper Adelle Morris showed up on the scene. A couple days later, we were taking home our baby girl and adjusting to our new, larger family.
Christmas was extra special this year, although Harper slept through most of the festivities. And all too soon it was time to go back to work. Tomorrow night we'll ring in the new year- I don't anticipate to be quite like 2011, but it will be an adventure of a different kind as we watch Harper learn and grow. But tonight is a night to look back, remember, and count our many blessings.
The other major event of 2011 was the purchase of a house. I believe I chronicled that saga as it was occurring- a process I do not wish to repeat any time soon (or ever). We settled into the new place in September, doing our best to make the place "ours." And began our never-ending list of projects to do to the house. And we waited for Harper's arrival.
And arrive she did! I got up one Sunday morning to feed the cats and settled in on the couch to relax until the huz got up. I decided I should probably get some breakfast and headed to the kitchen when I felt something weird happen. Soon I was feeling some contractions. And then they were stronger and closer together. I decided the thing to do was to go back up to bed, to relax up there with the huz and see if they stopped. They didn't. So after an hour and a half, I decided it was time to tell the huz, cause it would seem I was truly in labor- two weeks early. Soon we were on our way to the hospital. About eight hours later, Harper Adelle Morris showed up on the scene. A couple days later, we were taking home our baby girl and adjusting to our new, larger family.
Christmas was extra special this year, although Harper slept through most of the festivities. And all too soon it was time to go back to work. Tomorrow night we'll ring in the new year- I don't anticipate to be quite like 2011, but it will be an adventure of a different kind as we watch Harper learn and grow. But tonight is a night to look back, remember, and count our many blessings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)