Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Hurts and hopes

I have a Master's degree. In counseling. So I like to think I know a thing or two about humans. But there is still so much I do not understand. I totally get that growth and change are a-turtle-in-molasses slow. But it feels to me, in my limited understanding, that we are worse than stuck. We are moving backwards.

We are overly sensitive and too easily offended by everything and at the same time so self-centered we don't care who we hurt. What happened to walking a mile in someone else's shoes? What happened to if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all? What happened to the simple, genuine apology? We are so defensive. All. The. Time.

While I don't necessarily agree with it, I am beginning to understand the Huz's desire to acquire an arsenal. He sees lawlessness ahead and wants to defend that which he loves. I want to prevent the lawlessness from becoming reality.

I have never been what I would call an active activist. I don't go to marches or rallies. I don't closely follow politics and platforms and such. I fully acknowledge I am pitifully uninformed about some big things. I read the local news on my phone to see if any of my clients' parents have been shot or ODed.

I can't handle more than that. My heart hurts too much to know more than surface details. I am appalled by the fear and ignorance (yes, I said it, ignorance) that I see.

People are people. Love is love. Why can't we learn to move on? Why are we stuck fighting the same battles? Why do we still need #metoo movements and black lives matter and rainbow flags? Have we learned nothing?

I am ashamed of us. Yes! That's what that feeling is. Shame. Shame to be part of the stuck-ness. Shame to be associated with an organization that I feel just made a huge error in judgment. Shame for my backseat feminism.

Am I suddenly going to attend rallies and financially support all the causes I believe in and get political tattoos? Well, let's be real. No. I am not. I don't like crowds and I have no money.

I will continue my quiet, respectful defiance and hope that people listen when I do speak. Because my words are carefully chosen. I do not wish to add to the noise of life.

I will make Wonder Woman earmuffs.

I will love and support and encourage each young life I have the pleasure of coming into contact with whether they be black, white, yellow, purple, or green; gay, straight, or bi-curious; male, female, gender confused, or transgender.

I will work on my own fears and ignorances.

I will hold on to hope.

And maybe I will get a new tattoo.