Rest in Me

"Rest in Me, My child, forgetting about the worries of the world. Focus on Me- Emmanuel- and let My living Presence envelop you in Peace. Tune in to My eternal security, for I am the same yesterday, today, and forever. If you live on the surface of life by focusing on ever-changing phenomena, you will find yourself echoing the words of Soloman: 'Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!'

"Living in collaboration with Me is the way to instill meaning into your days. Begin each day alone with Me, so that you can experience the reality of My Presence. As you spend time with Me, the way before you opens up step by step. Arise from the stillness of our communion, and gradually begin your journey through the day. Hold My hand in deliberate dependence on Me, and I will smooth out the path before you."

December 14 

Jesus Calling

Sarah Young

"Sometimes we feel so beaten down by life, battered by outside circumstances over which we have no control. During these unwelcome storms, fear begins to permeate our inner being. Seeing no way out, we may fall into depression and enter into self-preservation mode by withdrawing into ourselves. But in doing so, we cut ourselves off from those who would give us aid and comfort. 

"Fortunately, God has other plans. He knows what we need and lovingly provides it. He 'comforts the downcast' by sending earthly 'angels' to help us. These people of God, Tituses among us, give freely of God's love and fill us with the healing balm of His comfort.

"In the midst of distress, we are not to withdraw from God's helping hand but to immerse ourselves in His Word and reach out to others, allowing both to give us love and comfort in our time of need. And then, while once more, we in turn can be a Titus for another."

Day 10

3-Minute Devotions for Women

Daily Devotional Journal

Prince of Peace

"I am the Prince of Peace. As I said to My disciples, I say also to you: Peace be with you. Since I am your constant Companion, My Peace is steadfastly with you. When you keep your focus on Me, you experience both My Presence and My Peace. Worship Me as King of kings, Lord of lords, and Prince of Peace.

"You need My Peace each moment to accomplish My purposes in your life. Sometimes you are tempted to take shortcuts, in order to reach your goal as quickly as possible. But if the shortcut requires turning your back on My peaceful Presence, you must choose the longer route. Walk with Me along paths of Peace; enjoy the journey in My Presence."

Jesus Calling (December 2)- Sarah Young

Today's writing reminds me of this song:

http://youtu.be/c_iP1QBsC98

Gray day

I called in sick today. Something I very rarely do. And I'm not even sick, well, not exactly. I've been doing this gluten free thing for almost a year now. And it helped- at first. But my symptoms have returned. Not quite as frequent as before, but still they have returned. And last night was a particularly bad episode that left me awake most of the night. So I called in sick to have a day to myself to recover. Wouldn't you know, now I feel guilty. That I'm laying in bed mid morning still in my pajamas not working. And my kid is at the babysitter's. I hacked and coughed and sneezed and sniffled for three weeks, and showed up to work every day. But today I wasn't sure I could handle running after or restraining a child. I wasn't sure I could help parents with their parenting of difficult children. Why should I feel guilty? I have PTO for a reason! But I do. Because I'm not really sick. And I just had a four day weekend. And I sent my kid away. And it is raining and I want the Huz to be here curled up playing hooky with me so we can spend a rainy day watching movies like we always said we would do and never have done. And I want to feel good enough to go pick up my kid early and do something fun together. But I'm not. And I did. And he's not. And I don't. 

The cat is smiling that I'm home and in bed. (Literally, he is sprawled out of the bed next to me and looks like he is smiling.) The dog is whining in her crate (sorry pup, I can't trust you unsupervised yet). Time to put away the guilt, I can't un-take the sick day now. Maybe one day I will get answers or find the miracle cure for my ailments that all seem to contribute to one another. At least the weather suits my mood and I'm not missing out on a beautiful sunshiny day.

Introvert dream or nightmare?

I am coming up on the 90 day mark at my new job and am feeling like I kinda sorta almost know what all the job entails. I'm not completely overwhelmed anymore (just partially!), even though I still see at least one face a day that I do not recognize. It is weird working for a company that employs more than 20 people!

I go through some sessions feeling like "I've got this!" But others leave me wondering when I will ever feel like I know what I am doing. I have to develop a new style, a new way of connecting, a new way of sharing what I do know. Not all the people I am working with WANT to be here or know WHY they have to be. My heart broke a little when one parent couldn't identify a single strength of their child or one thing they liked about their kid. It is exhausting on a different level than my previous positions. I am excited to be here and can see how much I am going to grow from this position. But in my little (and I do mean little- I have to move furniture to be able to open my file cabinet!) office at the end of the hall, it feels a little lonely in this big old place. Especially after the kids go home and there are no screams echoing through the halls. Still feeling like the new kid on the block, my introverted self wants to hide out in my cozy little space and lose myself in the mountain of paperwork. Perhaps it is time to bake my way into the hearts of my coworkers....

Trust Me

Trust Me in the midst of a messy day. Your inner calm- your Peace in My Presence- need not be shaken by what is going on around you. Though you live in this temporal world, your innermost being is rooted and grounded in eternity. When you start to feel stressed, detach yourself from the disturbances around you. Instead of desperately striving to maintain order snd control in your little world, relax and remember that circumstances cannot touch My Peace.

Seek My Face, and I will share My mind with you, opening your eyes to see things from My perspective. Do not let your heart be troubled, and do not be afraid. The Peace I give is sufficient for you.

Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) August 26

Peace I leave you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. John 14:27

I have said this to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world! John 16:33

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually. Psalm 105:4

When I Grow Up

I have been neglecting my blog again. When I started it way back whenever I thought it would be a great way for me to start writing. Again. More. Whatever. Turns out there just aren't enough hours in the day and writing, blogging, takes a backseat. Sure, I have a book of poetry waiting to be published. Sure, I have the plot of a novella outlined. Sure, I have titles to the series of children's books I want to write. But the only writing I've dobe recently is a home study, which I did not really enjoy simply because it required a format that is poor writing. I don't want to use the words describes, reported, stated any time soon!

I think I had this idea that writing would be a fun way to use my creative juices and blow off steam- my own personal therapy. But in reality, if you want to be a writer it can't be a part time gig. There has to be time dedicated to it. Daily. And right now my life does not allow that. Maybe someday. When I grow up. 

For now, I settle for the occasional blog post. The card mailed to a friend. My infrequent journaling when something is weighing on me. My trusty friend comes out when I feel that inner restlessness about something. Maybe that is why I am secretly obsessed with pens and notebooks, because I know I will always NEED to write from time to time. I love to lose myself in a good book, but writing does something for me that reading cant't. That talking can't. An utter rawness that is hard to achieve in conversation. 

And someday, when I retire, I WILL become a real life writer.

On a Roll, a Reading Roll

I love to read. Have for as long as I can remember. But sometimes I'm not in the mood to read (*gasp* I can't believe I just said that!) and other times there simply are not enough hours in the day to do all the reading I want to do.

Most of May was one of those time when I just couldn't get settled down to read. Maybe it was the 20-some episodes of Bones on the DVR. Maybe it was stress. Maybe I just wasn't interested in the books I had started. But whatever the reason, the reading drought ended. I got back in the swing of reading. In the last 10 days I have finished five books. Two of those five I also started in the last 10 days! That MIGHT be a new record for me. At least a new record while being a mother working two jobs!

So what did I read?

Clockwork Angel (of the YA fantasy- vampire- genre)

What to Expect the Toddler Years (very informative if you have a toddler or work with toddlers or might someday have a toddler)

Sharp Objects (dark and screwed up. I liked it!)

Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz (I am slowly working my way through the complete Wizard of Oz collection, did you know there was more than one story?)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (yes, I saw the movie first. I still liked the book. And want to watch the movie again.)

So what's next? Well, I still have four in progress:

Queen Bees and Wannabes (the book that inspired the movie Mean Girls, I can only read a little at a time because I find it a little depressing how mean females can be to each other, lots of good info in it though)

James Potter and the Hall of Elders' Crossing (which disappeared from my GoodReads ebooks, so I guess I'm not really reading it right now)

Pride and Prejudice (I just cannot get into this one- and it is SO long!)

Ever Since I had my Baby (again, good info, but hard to read more than a little at a time. I think I might have been better off NOT knowing what childbirth could do to my body...)

So I think I'll start the next Clockwork book. And maybe the next Wizard of Oz book. Or maybe something entirely different... 

Either way, I am on a reading roll right now and am halfway to my goal of completing 50 books this year!

High quality H2O

It's been several weeks since I've joined in the Friday Fill-In over at www.feelingbeachie.com. Time to jump in again!

Statements:

1) I drink ____ in the AM.

2) I read _____.

3) Sometimes I wonder ___ but then ____.

4) Given the choice between ___ and ___ I'd pick ____.

Answers:

1) I drink water in the AM. And PM!

2) I read books, lots of books!

3) Sometimes I wonder if I will survive the terrible twos but then my two year old gives me a hug and says "I love you."

4) Given the choice between a beach vacation and a mountain one I'd pick the beach, 9 times out of 10!

Misadventures in Baking

Little known fact (ha! As if there are any little known facts about me!) I'm thrifty. (Okay, cheap.) I love a good bargain. I'm about one step away from one of those ultimate couponers (granted it's a big step- I need time to learn how to do it and time to actually do it!). I hate to waste food. So when I was baking up a new recipe of cupcakes I decided I would use up the leftover icing from the last batch. But I didn't think green icing would be quite right for Coca cola cupcakes with a vanilla coke cream filling. 

But I had a plan! Throw in some cocoa powder, make it chocolatey and cover up the green color too. Well, let's just say this wasn't one of my more brilliant ideas. The transformation process wasn't pretty! The bright green morphed into a horrible brownish green and then a greenish brown before an acceptable brown color was achieved. Then it was time to put it on the cupcakes. I was out of pastry bags, so I used a ziplock. No fancy star tip this time. Mistake! I'm sure my child filling her diaper at the same time as I was piping the frosting didn't help, but these were cupcakes that were never going to look appetizing to me! 

Wonder if there is a market for poocakes...

So it has been a while since I have posted. Life just seems to keep me too busy. Time to jump back in with feelingbeachie.com's Friday Fill-In.

This week's statements:

1) I really ______ in the early a.m.

2) I wish the _____ would always stay _____.

3) _____ is my favorite place when I am _____.

4) If I hear _____ one more time, I will ____.

My answers:

1) I really need to sleep better in the early a.m.

2) I wish the weather would always stay nice.

3) Lakeside is my favorite place when I am feeling sentimental.

4) If I hear Let it Go one more time, I will sing along.

Hook, line, and sinker

I have to hand it to the marketing people at Barnes and Noble. They got me. I made a rare trip into the book store (rare because I do not trust myself alone in a bookstore to be responsible and not max out my credit cards). I had gift cards burning a hole in my wallet. I purchased a couple NOOK books and a real book for Punky. When I got home, I discovered a "Prepublication Excerpt" in my bag. I tossed it in my purse for when I was stuck in a waiting room somewhere or something. 

So what happened when I finished the excerpt? I immediately logged onto bn.com and used up the last (sad!) of my gift card money to purchase the book. Congrats B&N, you got me with your clever marketing. Hook. Line. Sinker. 

But I don't feel too bad. I actually finished two professional development type books in a row! No novel (or twelve) in between. I am on a roll! At this rate, I just might complete my Goodreads challenge of 50 books this year...

Especially since I've decided to pick up where I left off in this:

Before I tackle killing off Dorothy. And of course, at some point I still need to read Wicked. If you need me, I'll be in Oz.

Ambition

Ambition

An earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.

To seek after earnestly; aspire to.

(Definitions provided by dictionary.com.)

What a powerful word. Sometimes I think I want to be ambitious. Sometimes I think I am. Sometimes I think I have too much.

My stack of 29 unread books (plus 7-8 in progress) grew to 30 as someone recently gifted me a book. Then I pulled out two books loaned to me a good three years ago. Are they good books? Most likely. Should I read them? Probably. Will I? If I am honest, probably not. So I took them off the shelf to return to the lender who likely has forgotten I have them. And almost put them back. The lender wanted me to read them! This person thought there was something of value between the pages. 

My ambition is to read. And write. I never seem to have enough time for either. I challenged myself to read 50 books this year. I have completed 15. I am 30% of the way to my goal. I also made a goal to read one professional development type book for every two novels I read. And another goal to finish all of the books currently in progress (except the daily devotional which I been reading off and on for about two years- even if I have read that day before, there is still good stuff in rereading it). 

And write more. Maybe actually write a chapter in the novella I have had outlined for a few years. Or blog more. Or journal more. Something. Anything. 

In theory, that seems reasonable. Then I look in my purse and see what my ambition had done.

Two devotionals. Two journals. One book. One "prepublication excerpt."

And this was to go to work! Where (unfortunately) I do not get paid to read (where can I find THAT job?!). (Side not: I do get paid to write- treatment plans and progres notes, but that's not FUN writing!)

Hmmm, maybe my ambition is a little too ambitious. And so the books will go back to the lender, unread, and not back to my shelf. 

Let's not even start on how I keep saying I'm going to get up a half hour earlier three mornings a week to do yoga....

Silence!

It's Friday again so it must be time to navigate on over to www.feelingbeachie.com for the Friday Fill-In! Check it out. Send in suggestions and be a cohost!

This week's statements:

1. Saying ____ is ___ for me.

2. I am ____ by nature.

3. If I stay in a hotel it must have _____.

4. If someone gave me ____ I would ____. 

My answers:

1. Saying nothing is easy for me.

2. I am quiet by nature.

3. If I stay in a hotel it must have free wi-fi? (I can't remember the last time I stayed in a hotel...)

4. If someone gave me a book I would read it- eventually. My to be read stack is huge!

Adventures in Parenting

At two, Punky is firmly in the toddler years. It was tricky, at first, parenting a toddler. The toddling is a game changer. But you adapt, move all the breakable a to an even higher location, block off the stairs, put the child thingies (yes, that IS the technical name) on the doorknobs and so on. The toddler gets steadier and less toddly. Life is good. Life is fun. Life is an adventure.

Then you do something crazy. Like have another baby. Or in my case, adopt a puppy. And life as you know it is over. A puppy is like having an infant. Getting up in the middle of the night (to let the dog out instead of feeding a baby. But let's face it, getting up in the middle of the night for any reason isn't fun). Having a puppy is like a toddler- most of the time you can't reason with them. Puppies chew a lot- like teething babies. They sleep a lot too, just not when you want them to!

But it's fun too. Watching your pup follow around your kid. Hearing the kid ask about the puppy. Knowing they'll be best buds if only you survive the next year.

You never know what you are going to come home to find. Like the picture below of a naked Princess baby and a play spoon hanging with the pot holders... 

Friday Fill-in full of Puppy Love

It is time once again to scoot on over to www.feelingbeachie.com and join in her fill in the blank blog hop!

This week's statements:

1. This week I had to _______.

2. Honestly do you think ____ or _____?

3. Only the _____.

4. If I had _____ I would ____.

My answers:

1. This week I had to learn how to parent a puppy.

2. Honestly do you think I am crazy or what for getting a puppy when I have a toddler?

3. Only the cat dislikes the puppy.

4. If I had the day off I would be playing with my puppy.

Stoned

I recently got stoned. Kidney stoned that is.  It was the third time in my life and by far the worst of the three times. Horrible pain that is unrelenting. Worse than labor. "If you had to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10..." "10. It's a 10. Now please, please, for the love, give me some drugs" pain. Knocked me down, kept me drugged in bed for days pain. The kind of pain that takes away all the scariness of the word "surgery" away. The I don't care what it costs just do it kind of pain. 

Thankfully, I got some relief from the pain and a reprieve from needing surgery. Sure, I'm still a little sore and know the possibility of more pain is out there. Sure, I wonder if I will make it until my follow up appointment next week without collapsing in pain again. But for now, I feel almost normal again. For now, I will thank my lucky stars that I do not need surgery. I will thank all those prayer warriors out there. Because surgery is scary. And expensive. 

Of course I am no closer to understanding why my body has declared war on me. I try to be good to it. I really do. And I am no closer to being able to predict when the next battle will take place. So I march onward hoping one day to have answers and predictability when it comes to my body. Taking things one day at a time. And sometimes only one hour at a time, because that is all that is manageable.

Fill it in Friday

It's Friday again and you know what that means. Time to join Feeling Beachie for her Friday Fill-In. Each week four statements with blanks are at www.feelingbeachie.com for you to use on your blog. Co-hosting this week are from Gilligan & MaryAnn's Desert Island and Making your Mark.

Statements:

1) Valentine's is a _____day of the year for ____

2) Since Valentine's is a sign of ______  I ______

3) _____ with ____ is a great way to _____

4) Sometimes I ____ when I _____

Answers:

1) Valentine's is a normal day of the year for me.

2) Since Valentine's is a sign of something Catholic I really don't know much about it.

3) Snuggling with Punky and the Huz is a great way to spend a day (even if we are all sick!)

4) Sometimes I sing when I drive. 

Co co co-hosting

Yep! It's time for Feeling Beachie's Friday Fill-In again and I'm co-hosting this week! Be sure to check her out and email Hilary if you want to be a co-host!

This week's statements:

Don’t you love when you get to spend _____

I wish there was a ____ but I would settle for ____.

When I hear the word ____ I always think of ____

 My dream ___ is ____

My answers:

• Don't you love when you get to spend an afternoon reading?
• I wish there was a long weekend every week but I would settle for once a month.
• When I hear the word Stottlemeyer I always think of dissolving into giggles.
• My dream house is in Hawaii.

why being a mom is enough.

Yes. A million times yes. Go here. Read this. why being a mom is enough.

Hooks and books

I am making a real effort in this new year to spend more time engaging in my hobbies. I just put a bunch of ebooks on hold at the library. Of course I am certain they will all come available at the same time and I will not be able to get through them all... And when they become available I will (again) abandon the books I currently have in progress. No, I will read them this year, I mean it, I will! I will! Novels are just so much more fun than my stack of educational books that I know I NEED to read. Sigh. How did I ever make myself read textbooks? Oh, that's right, I stopped reading for pleasure altogether.

And crochet. My new hobby. I vow to set aside time for this, to learn more and try new things. It's kinda fun and relaxing. If only the kid and the cat would leave the yarn alone while I'm hooking...

Carnivores for Spring

It is time once again to join feelingbeachie.com for the Friday Fill In. Each week Hilary posts four statements with a blank to fill in on your own blog. This week Donetta at My Constant Thought co-hosted! 

Statements:

1. Is it really ______?

2. I am the opposite of ______.

3. Saying ____ is hard for me.

4. My favorite past time is ______ because it allows me to ______.

Answers:

1. Is it really only 9 degrees outside?

2. I am the opposite if a carnivore.

3. Saying curse words is hard for me?

4. My favorite past time is reading because it allows me to escape, for a lite while.

Uh oh

I think my resolution to get through the books I've already started before starting any new ones is in jeopardy...

I preordered this and forgot it would be arriving at my fingertips through the magic of cyberspace in January! Maybe I will revise my resolution and finishe ONE of the books I already started and then read this one...that's not cheating, right?